I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
