she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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