I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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