put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
