Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
