I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
