69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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