Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
