Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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