I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
