Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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