my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
