you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
