he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
