dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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