I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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