My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
