Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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