omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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