If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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