well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
one might say we're banned from that church
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
