i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
