We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
