Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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