I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
