it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
