Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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