just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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