I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
