not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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