Heybabeimwearingurpanties
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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