Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
home. puking in laundry basket.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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