omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
