I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
