you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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