umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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