I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
