I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
