when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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