There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
