Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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