I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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