Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
