THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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