In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
