I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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