living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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