i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
