Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
