do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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