Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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