Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
