I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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