Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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