i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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