I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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