Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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