you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
