thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
