dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
