Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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