guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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