An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
