I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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