Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize