My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
