I want to have your abortion
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
