Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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