epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
