I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dear god my vagina.
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