Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize