Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
