So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
